"MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS" is the title of one of many books used in understanding gender differences. Men and women talk "at" each other rather than "to" each other, and understanding the differences in communication styles can help you to eliminate costly and frustrating communication mishaps.

Studies have shown that as early as infancy, boys and girls are treated differently. Babies in blue blankets are held differently than babies in pink blankets. Little boys learn early to compete in team sports, be aggressive. They learn how to win and how to lose and when to drop it and go on.

Men live in a hierarchical society where everyone is above or below them on the hierarchy. They learn early how to cheat-how to steal a base from the other team. They also learn that when the coach says to run 15 yards to the left, it's not up for discussion. Playing team sports gives them an early chance to learn to play/work with people they don't really like, and to do so in such a way that the team is still effective.

Little girls, on the other hand, learn how to play one-on-one. They develop strong alliances with each other and learn to read people quickly and accurately. They learn to collaborate. They have few opportunities to learn how to lose. (Although the younger generation of females will be better equipped to deal with this issue because there are now more organized sports for young women.)

Women live in a flat organization rather than a hierarchy—sharing ideas, credit and responsibility. Little boys learn aggression early, little girls learn how to please and be nice at an early age. Aggressiveness is a valued male trait, but women's aggression must be confined within a narrow band of acceptability or it is labeled "bitchiness."

Let's take a look at how this early socialization affects working relationships between men and women.

Go, team

Teamwork is a critical part of everyone's job in today's organization, and men are likely to view teamwork in a more competitive light. They want effective teams—but they also want to be the BEST of the effective teams, so they may not be as willing to share what works with less effective teams in the organization. Women, though, are more likely to view teamwork as cooperation rather than competition. They see themselves as part of the larger team—the company—rather than just the team on which they are working, so sharing team success patterns will make the company a better team.

Teamwork also requires assistance from others. Women are more likely to recognize the need for help and ask for it. Men are more likely to reinvent the wheel rather than go to another team or team member for assistance. They see asking for help as a sign of weakness.

It's all in the details

Another important aspect of teamwork is the objectives of the team and how these objectives are accomplished. Men will usually see the big picture and not sweat the small stuff. Women, on the other hand, want complete details so they can understand the project or situation, show concern and interest, and participate effectively in the project. Men can find this fact-finding mission for details annoying.

Let's put this into perspective with a personal example: A man goes out to dinner with a group of co-workers. He returns home and mentions to his wife or significant other that he had dinner with a group from the office. Immediately the questions are likely to begin—where did you cat, what did you have, who all was there, what did you talk about, how were they dressed, etc. To the man, these details may be insignificant, but to the woman, they're important in helping her to participate vicariously in the event. The man may not have seen the importance of these details and may have forgotten some of them, making his spouse think he is possibly omitting important details for a reason.

Remember these kinds of differences the next time you have a communication conflict with a co-worker. Men and women do communicate differently at times. Both styles of communication are effective, and understanding both will enhance your effectiveness at home and in the workplace with the other 50% of the general population!